you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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