No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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