This is not my ceiling
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
