is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
