He uses pillows to masturbate.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
