when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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