Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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