WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
sick fucks of a feather flock together
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
