I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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