you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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