you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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