I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
