i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
