Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
