that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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