I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
