she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Randomize
