So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just invented taco cereal.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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