Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
