he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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