Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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