oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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