Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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