you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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