Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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