Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
