She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
