drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
