i need an iv and a liver transplant
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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