do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
