My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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