What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
