Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
