at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize