It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
