i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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