Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
