he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
