so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
