trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
