Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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