I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
