Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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