Don't you send me to vm
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
