When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
