Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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