Already got asked if we're dating
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
