I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
