worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
