My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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