omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
