i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Acid is not a monday night drug
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
