wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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