I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
