Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
