Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
