No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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