and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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